Reconnect and Rebuild Your Relationship

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All couples can benefit from learning proven strategies that make marriage work well. The best time to begin couples therapy is in the beginning, when the couple decides their relationship is getting serious. Good couples therapy helps them learn how to communicate effectively, identify potential problematic issues and to handle disagreements in a healthy way right from the start, before negative patterns become habits. ALL couples have disagreements, that isn't an issue; but how you handle those disagreements is very important. 

John Gottman found that unhappy couples often wait about six years before trying couples therapy. By then, bad habits are set and resentments have built up. This makes it harder to be open with each other or give each other credit regarding good things. And sometimes they just don't like each other anymore. It's much better to tackle issues before they become ingrained.

 Over the years, I have explored most of the major approaches to couples therapy, discovering valuable insights along the way. However, I found that these methods lacked the comprehensive framework and structure I sought. Since 2017, I have dedicated myself to studying and practicing what I believe to be the "gold standard" in couples therapy. I have completed Levels 1-3 of the basic training, along with specialized courses in Treating Affairs & Trauma and Couples Addiction & Recovery. These steps are prerequisites for the Certification Track, where I worked closely with a Gottman Consultant to refine my skills and demonstrate my proficiency in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.

This rigorous program was highly rewarding, and I had the privilege of learning from Vagdevi Meunier, PhD, who served as my consultant and mentor. Now, as a Certified Gottman Therapist (CGT), I am confident in my ability to offer couples the high-quality care they deserve, providing them with practical tools to improve their relationships. My commitment to continuous learning ensures that I stay current with the latest research and techniques, which I eagerly share with my clients.

Insurance typically covers conjoint therapy or family therapy—not true couples therapy. Conjoint therapy is focused on the “Identified Patient,” who must have a clinical diagnosis, such as depression or anxiety, which then becomes part of their permanent medical file with the insurance company. The therapy must meet the “medical necessity” requirement for the diagnosis of that individual, and the issues addressed must specifically benefit them.

In true couples therapy, however, the focus is on the relationship itself, not one individual. Both partners bring unique contributions—positive and negative—to the relationship. My goal is to help both partners understand and improve the dynamics between them, without taking sides. In some cases, each partner may also have an individual therapist to address personal issues, or I may meet with one or both partners individually if it benefits the relationship as a whole.

Insurance companies also require a “clinical” or “medical” approach, allowing them to audit any files they cover. They dictate which treatment approaches they will and will not cover, which limits my ability to tailor sessions to each couple’s unique needs. I believe in helping couples without pathologizing either partner, focusing instead on the relational aspects that insurance protocols don’t address.

The first session is 90 minutes during which I get history of the relationship and begin to identify the issues that are causing distress. I explain the Gottman Method and answer questions. After this session I send the couple an online assessment through the Gottman Institute that covers a wide range of topics. 

After both partners complete this assessment I meet individually with each one for 50-60 minutes to review their responses and obtain additional personal history. 

The third session is the Feedback Session. I will review the results of the online assessment, offer my observations and provide a written report to them identifying their strengths and opportunities for growth within the framework of the Sound Relationship House. We will then identify goals for the relationship and discuss the treatment process.

• How often we meet varies with each couple. Some couples need weekly sessions, at least in the beginning, but most couples do well with every 2-3 weeks. Some couples can do well with only monthly 2 hour sessions after the assessment period.This gives them time to practice the interventions taught in session and identify what is or isn't working. 

• Each session is typically 90 minutes but many times we need to extend it to 2 hours. Why? I have learned from experience with couples that very little can be done in a 50-60 minute session unless we are in maintenance mode. It can be challenging to identify negative habits or patterns and replace them with more helpful ones. There are several important  concepts and interventions that take time to work through in session so you can practice them at home.  

• The number of sessions needed depends on your commitment to practice new skills at home. There is not magic number of sessions required, you control this. 

Sometimes couples need more than 90 minutes to address the issues in their relationship. A Marathon Session might be right for you if scheduling regular sessions is problematic, or you are in massive gridlock regarding an issue, or there has been a crisis that is threatening the relationship. These sessions allow us time to fully explore what's going on and practice strategic interventions that address your situation. Booking the time ahead assures that we can continue to work on the issue without me having to end the session because we’ve run out of time and another appointment is scheduled. I'm happy to work with you to schedule what is needed for your relationship and your situation.